Hmmm... Kala-chan... (like your new nickname? Heehee! ^-^)

Back to what you said before, about us being different now than we were 1.5 years ago... (was it really that long ago? Wow...)

We are different people now. But I know that if we had the chance to spend another day at Wilson, like "old times," and we still ate lunch at the Corner with all of our friends, that I would go absolutely crazy. Wouldn't you? If I were going crazy about something stupid, would you join me in my laughter and endless ranting?

I have many sides, too. One is my crazy/hyper side. Another is my quiet side. Both of those are a part of me, and take prevelance depending on who I'm with or where I am. For example, at lunch at Wilson, my crazy/hyper side was most often shown (even though it was VERY diminished after you left, it was still there). At my new school, my quiet side is nearly all that people see of me; even though I'm learning to open up more to some of my classmates, I know that I'm not going to see them again until maybe next year, so I don't bother to let them realize that I have a very wild and fun side.

Another side of mine is my dark and moody personality, which has been deciding to show itself more often these past few weeks. Then there's my seemingly indifferent side, my semi-cheerful side, my pessimistic side, and my optimistic side. I have a creative side that, if mixed with my dark and pessimistic feelings, could lead me to hurt everyone that I hold dear to my soul; which threatens to happen, but fortunately my rational side is helping me exercise self-restraint in the form of writing and speaking.

I am far from a perfect person; and sometimes, I feel extremely divided by myself, and the fact that I have so many different personalities. It's frustrating, because I know that when I go to certain places, I can't truly be myself, whatever that is. If I go to Wilson and be with my friends, I feel almost like I'm expected to be wild. If I go to my new school, I feel like I'm expected to be quiet and reflective. I guess (sorry, have to mention Furuba :P) that I feel an awful lot like Yuki; I'm torn between my own emotions, and what's expected of me.

I feel ugly at times; not my outward appearance, that doesn't matter as much to me. No, I feel ugly inside sometimes, because my mind can't seem to make up its mind as to who I really am, and it tears me up. I am Aerin. I am Joseph. I am Daniel, Latonayo, Emi-chan, Mairin, Lanniel, Aimjaim, May, and Marshmallow. But I want to be Amy, and I'm still finding out who that is.

Believe me, I know how you feel when you asked me to tell you who I thought you were, and here's what I think you are: My sister. My best friend. You haven't found peace yet, but it'll come. Yes, it will come. And until then (and afterwards, mind you ^^), you have someone with you who is just as confused and lost as you are.

Wow, that was deep. I hope that all of my friends know that that was dedicated to all of them, because I feel that we all are or will go through this sooner or later. Just know that when you have rough times, any of you, that someone can relate. Whether it's me, Kala-chan, Anu-chan, Amanda-chan or Kasa-chan (aka TundraFlame, heh), Fai-chan or Anna-chan, or someone else. That was a lot of chans. Someone will be able to help.

I'm going to make another post, because I feel like being perky and happy now ^-^ But I don't want to ruin the mood of this one, so...

Bye!

~Aerin

"When your world breaks down and the voices tell you 'turn around,' when your dreams give out, I will carry you." ~Clay Aiken (In his song. I believe it's called "I will carry you," but I'm not positive about that. It's a beautiful song.)